Stay Away From Battlegrounds

You want to say “I can take em.” It just ain’t worth it. Look elsewhere, look for the easy money, not the hard money. Case in point, tonight, the so called tech rally that’s supposed to be going on because of INTC. Hedge fund managers love the trenches. In preparation for INTC I spoke to a dozen managers today. For every guy buying there was another guy shorting or selling INTC, the QQQQ, the SOX.

You know what, I really don’t care that the telecommunications are now spending, that the notebook business is now doing better. What I care about is not being in the battlegrounds. I like situations where there is no opposing side of view. Where there isn’t a train wreck where someone can take my head off.

I like OSX not SOX. Oil Service not Semiconductor.

Oil has tripled in the last 6 years and the oil service index is exactly where it was six years ago. I say give me HAL, Neighbors, SLB, something to own not to trade and bang out tomorrow. Give me the drillers, don’t give me the battleground.

John Huff, CEO Oceaneering International joins Jim Cramer:

Cramer: Tell people who are unfamiliar with what you do why OII is the dominant presence in the ROV market and what that means with oil at 55 and a big storm brewing in the gulf.

Huff: It means somebody Jim, is going to make a lot of money here. ROV stands for remotely operated vehicles. These are little small robots; we are the largest company in the world that operates these things. We got almost a 40% market share and it’s the only way that you can get work done in the deep waters cause the deep water is where the action is offshore today.

Cramer: Now you just went in last week and added 12 new work class ROV’s. You are making a bullish statement taking down these new 12 rigs. Do you think you’ll be able to get your money back, cost back quickly?

Huff: We’re going to get our cost back with a great return Jim. We are a conservative company, we’re not a flashy, wild invest in anything kind of outfit. We’ve been around a long time. We’ve changed from being a manned diving company to being a high tech remotely operated vehicle company we provide proprietary products and services that are used in offshore oil and gas business. We are in deep water, we’re focused on our business, we know exactly what we’re doing.

Cramer: I’ve been a little dismayed the major oil companies really have yet to recognize that oil may not be going back to 28. When do you think we’ll see these budgets, these giant oil budgets come up to where you and I know they should be given the fact that oil is not coming down.

Huff: I don’t know. If you are in charge of the world’s largest corporations like they are where do you invest your money? SO far all they’ve been doing is buying each other and buying their stock back. But I think its fixin to break out. I can’t really but believe that 55 dollar oil is gotta bring these guys back in the market. There’s only two places that these guys can invest they can either go the the high risk areas of the world: The Russia’s the Middle East or they can go to the high technology areas of the world which is the deep water offshore basins. The United States is one of the biggest ones. Why not invest at home? Why not do things at home that we can do and make money for them as well.

Cramer: Amen, amen sir. Why do I like this stock so much? Why do I think it’s the way to play this OSX rally? WE have an unbelievable amount of oil in deep areas and they are going to start drilling because they are sick and tired of getting shot at and killed at and nationalized at all those other places. The Gulf, that’s sweet. That’s why I think this stock could go higher.

Double whammy today on the information technology front

IT Problems at eh FBI and Homeland Security. The FBI announced its going to be using off the shelf, private sector software to complete their modernization. If you’re like me, initially you are horrified. But then if you are like me you’re thinking – this could be fantastic news. Here’s how it goes. We know that the FBI will be contracting out to the private sector – got that from the papers. It appears likely that the Homeland Security will have to follow. We do not know who’s going to get these contracts. How do we play this? It’s possible that the contracts will go to the big boys – Accenture, IBM, Computer Sciences (CSC) , EDS. If that happens, not gonna mean a thing. No big splash for those guys. Want to make some real money on this IT play? Want something that actually would go up? That they’d be saying BULL for? TIBX and BEAS, Tibco Software and BEA Systems. They are small and levered. If you buy them and they win the FBI bid or the likely Homeland Security bid, you’re gonna win big. Not for your retirement money by the way. I wouldn’t tell you to buy these stocks if they weren’t good plays on their own. TIBX and BEAS are both undervalued. TIBX has been cut in half. I think the estimates are finally so low that they’ll beat em. BEAS, not a pretty picture. They are trading at only 11 times cash flow, compared to 18x for Oracle which you know I don’t like, and 22x for SAP. Not only are these two good companies, they would made good acquisitions – ALL ABOARD. If you want to make money on national in-security you want to buy TIBX and BEAS.

Which Defense Contractor Will Profit from Military Changes?

LLL (L3 Communications) just made a very big acquisition. That stock is terrific and is without a doubt the fastest growing defense play. The one I own for my charitable trust, the one I think is incredibly interesting, but understand, isn’t as big is Alliant Tech – ATK, this is the largest bullet maker in the country. Man do we ever need bullets unfortunately. ATK is a pure play on the terrible situation worldwide because the Army just doesn’t have enough bullets.

Are treasuries or defense stocks a better hedge against terrorism?

If we replay the horrible tape back from September 14, after 9/11 what you’ll see is that a lot of the defense contractors went down a lot because they also have aerospace. UTX was cut in half. The easy plays off the defense budget have been LMT, BA (Which also went down after 9/11). I have long held that if we are afraid to invest because of terrorism then it really doesn’t matter. In the old days, if someone asked what happened in nuclear war I always looked them in the eye and said you know what, nuclear war, if that happens and you still care about your money I’m sending it back to you cause it can’t matter that much.

Hedge Funds are Hanging Themselves in Denim

They were too quick to pull the trigger when they read the best analyst on clothing in America’s piece; I’m talking about Stacy Pak. She came out with the piece on May 20. She wrote a piece called denim glut coming for back to school. Holy cow this was brilliant, well reasoned. Don’t know Pak? I hated making a move in that whole group ANF, AEOS, all those, without talking to her first because she made me so much money. Pak correctly predicted that denim would be red hot, and that ANF would hve the best selling denim. That is in the past. With the piece on May 19 the hedge funds went bonkers with a bona fide analyst telling you to sell something… Except it wasn’t a sell call. It was a prelude to the sell call. These $70 pairs of ANF jeans sold like hot cakes in the spring cause the weather was cool so every hedge fund and his brother is going through the motions of hanging themselves with denim. Funny thing is, Pak’s going to be right.

Back to School season starts in July. At that point I really think there will be a denim glut because it looks like everybody has denim, particularly TJX and GPS. The only players who won’t be hurt are URBN which isn’t embracing denim precisely because everyone else is doing it and Old Navy which is gonna be doing a stretch corduroy. Maybe AEOS cause they have that too. Right now the shorts are frantically covering their ANF. See that move from 62 to 68 – that was all done on the back of Pak’s call. If I were back at my own hedge fund I’d own ANF here and hold on until every last short has hung himself in denim. Then I’d switch directions and go the other way. Now I don’t advocate shorts here on Mad Money. The only teen apparel player I’m willing to own though through the fall is URBN because it sees the world just like Stacy Pak does.

BOTTOM LINE: Pak’s work is fabulous. The uses of Pak’s work just need to get their timing down. She’ll make you money on this call, big money. But you gotta understand that the timing must be early for her to help as many clients as she can. Moronic hedge funds, when will they ever learn?

Q: Is it safer to invest in a specific clothing line or to buy the department store to get a broader exposure?

I son’t like Saks (SKS) they got some accounting problems. SELL SELL SELL. Dillard’s is the dullards. That is really one of the most boring companies in America. BEAR.

There are three major retailers in this country that I like. I think TGT is a fantastic buy here. You know I like SHLD. Own that one personally. And I’m willing to bet that the Federated (FD) merger is gonna be a good one so I would own Federated.

As far as individual apparel lines, I’m a little more concerned. Big mergers in retail cause me to be wary of that group.

Fool me once with DHL, don’t fool me twice with USPS

Last holiday season, I, along with a lot of other enthusiasts for great companies like UPS and FedEx missed the incredibly aggressive attempt by DHL to take share from two war horses. Somehow FDX managed to make the quarter anyway but the competition from DHL was a precipitating reason for that disastrous UPS quarter. The stock still hasn’t recovered frankly. This morning, more good research.

Morgan Stanley put out a terrific piece that’s about the new found prowess, including pricing prowess of the US Postal Service. This worries me just like DHL should have worried me at Christmas time. I believe we have to watch these stocks very carefully, which, by the way is genuine Wall Street gibberish for sell or short them because of USPS. How big is the threat? If I were Fred Smith, who I think owns some of the Republican Party I would call President Bush, FedEx him this Morgan Stanley report and say come on, shut down the postal service, privatize it, at least make it a little less competitive. In the nutty world we are in that could happen, but not fast enough to save the quarters for FedEx and UPS.

Bottom line: Both of these stocks, this is tough to say, they should be sold.

Spitzer and Siphol

Before you decide that Spitzer is a bum before he lost his case I just want to remind you that half a dozen people pleaded guilty to this crime before this guy beat the wrap. Billions have been saved in return. You are going to start seeing that he over reached, that maybe the whole thing was just a big canard. I don’t think that’s the case. Late trading in mutual funds, that was never for me.

Monday I had on the Chairman of TurboChef (TCF) on the show

Prudential came out this morning and says the news on the test (Starbucks) is very good. I think that backs up why TCF may be the right place to be. I would not take profits on the name yet.

What’s good for INTC is good for INTC. Don’t extrapolate it

Disclaimer: I AM NOT JIM CRAMER. I sometimes write the summary in first person because my brain doesn't quite move fast enough to process and type at the same time, so please excuse that. This blog has no affiliation with Jim Cramer, CNBC, or Mad Money. If you'd like to contact Jim Cramer email him at madmoney@cnbc.com, or call 1-800-743-CNBC. This summary is done for you and I to be able to better track and follow Jim Cramer’s comments. The show goes by quickly so I try and catch as many keywords as possible for each stock because of this, ACCURACY IS NOT GUARANTEED but is however strived for.

NOTE: I've added today's closing price to each of the stocks listed below. The "m" next to the stock symbol links to the stock on moneycentral.msn.com while the "y" does the same to finance.yahoo.com

TIBX - m - y - 7.21 - Tibco Software Inc. - See comments early in the show - BULL - use limit orders - contracts not coming till July
BEAS - m - y - 8.62 - BEA Systems, Inc. - See comments early in the show - BULL - use limit orders - contracts not coming till July

The Lightning Round:

CHC - m y - 22.32 - CharterMac - BEAR - not for me as long as Mike Farrell is running NLY. Swap out and get into NLY
RYL - m y - 70.06 - The Ryland Group, Inc. - For me but TOL, 2 for 1 split after the close. What's the matter with LEN? Now that Greenspan is out of the way its bull market for housing
CMLS - m y - 12.45 - Cumulus Media Inc. - Blowing up sound - SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL
RIG - m y - 53.15 - Transocean Inc. - BULL - Wish I had a triple bull. That is the best, most levered play. If oil goes to 60 you're going too make $10 more on that.
GMST - m y - 3.51 - Gemstar-TV Guide International, Inc. - Personal foul - that's just a terrible stock.
CPRT - m y - 25.4 - Copart, Inc. - Salvage vehicles??? Not for me. Ring the register.
MXT - m y - 13.93 - Metris Companies Inc. - BULL - you know I think that $16 on earnings or a take out.
L - m y - 10.52 - Liberty Media Corporation - BEAR - I'm sick of Malone. This one is for you Malone and L - SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL
EK - m y - 26.4 - Eastman Kodak Company - DIVE DIVE DIVE - please get out of that before it hits 20
DB - m y - 78.93 - Deutsche Bank AG (USA) - You don't like the American banks? PNC, C, BAC are better than that
DD - m y - 46.35 - E.I. DuPont de Nemours - Bull - okay, Dow chemical may be a little better. Remember all the chemical earnings are coming down a little bit. Wait until that stock hits… 42, that's where I would definitely buy it
EENC - m y - 19.57 - Enterra Energy Trust (USA) - I like the American trusts more than the Canadian trusts so I'm not gonna bless that prefer to see you in San Juan Basin Trust or Prudhoe Bay Trust
PTMK - m y - 8.86 - Pathmark Stores - Think the deal that just closed is good news. I like the stock - BULL - one of the few supermarket plays I like only because its down so low its looking up from here
VIA.b - m y - #N/A - Viacom Inc. - Viacom is okay, TWX is okay, DIS a little better, GOOG is for me
PEP - m y - 55.5 - PepsiCo, Inc. - PEP goes up a little bit over time. BULL, 2 steps up, 1 step back. It's on its way to 60 and it will get there without a speeding ticket
COGT - m y - 22.41 - Cogent, Inc. - BULL - I like COGT play on domestic security
MER - m y - 55.84 - Merrill Lynch & Co., Inc. - Ring the register
BSC - m y - 99.88 - The Bear Stearns Companies Inc. - My broker that I'd be buying right now - BULL
GS - m y - 99.95 - Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. - A little nervous near 100
SNIC - m y - 15.78 - Sonic Solutions - How bout the technology that they were able to get from those clowns at NAPS. The tech is good, BULL - two thumbs up for Sonic
CA - m y - 27.01 - Computer Associates International, Inc. - They can't seem to find a company that they wouldn't buy. I no longer like them
MAR - m y - 69.64 - Marriott International Inc. - I've fought this stock and like HOT more and I've been wrong. Marriot's okay BULL
GD - m y - 110.13 - General Dynamics Corporation - This stock has permanent listing on the new high list. BULL - I still like it here
ADS - m y - 36.7 - Alliance Data Systems - I gotta tell you if I'm gonna be in this I'd rather be in First Data
BPOP - m y - 23.81 - Popular, Inc. - You gotta go to Puerto Rico? You don't like CBH, or PNC? Put DRL on the list of other Puerto Rican bank stocks I don't want to own. BEAR
PDX - m y - 73.74 - Pediatrix Medical Group, Inc. - BULL - getting a little expensive but I have to admit it has a great business model
MSFT - m y - 25.51 - Microsoft Corporation - PADDLES CLEAR - hit it again - its flat lined, stuck at 25, its over. BEAR
RRD - m y - 33.92 - R.R. Donnelley & Sons Company - Cash machine. BULL - I wish I owned that business myself
PBY - m y - 13.21 - The Pep Boys - Manny, Moe & Jack - SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL
CAB - m y - 20.94 - Cabela's Incorporated - Ball and chain for me, I can barely move in it, Jim's charitable trust owns it. You can't shake me out of CAB even though management's doing its darn best to do so.
FRE - m y - 64.85 - Freddie Mac - Train wreck
FNM - m y - 58.19 - Fannie Mae - Train wreck
CHTR - m y - 0.98 - Charter Communications - Jump out window - jump out window. Personal foul. They stink. Alright I said it.
TWGP - m y - 13.66 - Tower Group, Inc. - Okay, just okay - not a bad business,
HD - m y - 39.6 - Home Depot, Inc. - I like HD but my heart is with LOW - BULL on LOW
LOW - m y - 58.82 - Lowe's Companies, Inc. - I like HD but my heart is with LOW - BULL on LOW
NTMD - m y - 18.81 - NitroMed, Inc. - Emerging growth pharma company - if I want that I want DNA not NTMD
CYBS - m y - 6.84 - CyberSource Corporation - Electronic payments, survivor - BEAR - sell it
DCX - m y - 40.52 - DaimlerChrysler AG (USA) - Don't buy - only auto I want to buy is TM and that is the best house in a really crummy neighborhood.
TM - m y - 71.37 - Toyota Motor Corporation (ADR) - only auto I want to buy is TM and that is the best house in a really crummy neighborhood.
ENZ - m y - 14.73 - Enzo Biochem, Inc. - Wish this company would do something - BEAR - I don't like emerging biotech that's been emerging for a decade
CKCM - m y - 23.24 - Click Commerce, Inc. - This is like CA, they can't stop buying companies. Its at a 52 week high - ring the register before they make another acquisition
VZ - m y - 34.81 - Verizon Communications - Nah. SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL
SBC - m y - 23.41 - SBC Communications Inc. - SELL SELL SELL
NXTL - m y - 31.61 - Nextel Communications - SELL SELL SELL
BLS - m y - 26.71 - BellSouth Corporation - SELL SELL SELL
ENER - m y - 17.19 - Energy Conversion Devices, Inc. - Only one I'm endorsing in alternative energy is the fuel cell company that makes the tanks - QTWW
TZIX - m y - 13.38 - The TriZetto Group, Inc. - Hard to understand
OMM - m y - 19.5 - OMI Corporation - Crude oil fleet, not for me BEAR
VLCCF - m y - 38.91 - Knightsbridge Tankers Limited - Crude oil fleet, not for me BEAR
y
UPS - m y - 71.2 - United Parcel Service - See comments in written section. SELL.
FDX - m y - 87.62 - FedEx Corporation - See comments in written section. SELL.
TGT - m y - 53.93 - Target Corporation - Fantastic buy here
SHLD - m y - 140.4 - Sears Holdings Corporation - you know I like shld - own it personally
FD - m y - 70.2 - Federated Department Str. - think the merger is gonna be a good one so I would own federated
RIMM - m y - 73.55 - Research In Motion Ltd. (USA) - BULL - now its for me again. Legal problems, I think they'll be resolved. I think RIMM will be fine, I'd be a buyer of the stock right here.mortgage calculator